thanks and changes in store

i realized looking in the mirror this morning that i was seeing a face i had not realized i had let back into my life. she was a face that lived in my life years ago, that i had gotten rid of, i thought permenently. oddly enough this realization came in a funny way. i went to our local SCA meeting and there were some very negative nellies there. i said to my hub "if they're going to be so negative, why do they bother showing up, why can't they just leave?" this morning i looked in the mirror and saw how far down that path i had gone in my life. i suspect it started long before my diagnosis, but that sort of pushed me over the edge into a virtual free-fall.

to those who hung out with anyway, and tolerated me, thanks. i appreciate all you've done, and know that it was undoubtedly hard to stand by and watch. unfortunately, as a wise person pointed out this morning: telling someone "the stove is hot" only goes so far, and kids and adults usually have to learn those kinds of lessons for themselves. i appreciate you all letting me find my way back to myself and to home and waiting for me to get there. i may need an occassional reminder so that i don't go back to my pity party, but if you would, make it a positive one?

i've made some positive decisions to make sure that all the responsibilities that need taking care of are taken care of, and as such i'm no longer regional exchecquer. the job needs to be done, and right now i need to devote my energy to things that no one else can do for me, and this is one that someone else can do. (thank goodness for that).

i've called a doctor in Raleigh NC who is a leukemia specialist. i'm working on getting in to see him. hopefully sometime after the new year. this is a positive move for me. i want to feel good and positive about my care, and plan to move in that direction from now on. being my own best advocate, i have recognized that i need to go to a doctor that i trust and believe in, so, i'm working toward that. :-).

in Schattentor, i intend to be a positive resource. the point of SCA is to have fun and have events. making money is a occassional plus, but not only not necessary, but not even a goal of the organization, hence the "not-for-profit" status that we hold. we have enough money currently to run the shire for several years without making any money at all. i'm not relying on that, but i'm going to not worry substantially about making money, because when one focuses on that, it is difficult to see the bigger goal of actually reenacting the middle ages, educating ourselves and others and having fun in the process. i have thought for a really long time that we need to be far less concerned about events making money. SCA needs to look outside of SCA to make most of its money. hold rummage sales, charge a small fee for demos, etc. instead of trying to make every event produce money from our own members.

as such, i'm planning on a Schattentor rummage sale for spring. we'll host it at our house, just off west blvd and half the money will be donated to schattentor, the other half to the endowment fund. if you've got stuff you don't want or aren't using (not SCA stuff, just stuff), consider sorting through it and donating it to this rummage sale. if you aren't in schattentor i challenge you to do the same! let's see Northshield fully endow the fund! it's a valid goal, and i intend to make it mine to see that this happens, not when someone dies (that's a far too negative idea) but now, while i'm alive! who's with me?

i'm setting myself some goals. one is to get my harp in tune and start playing it for a little while each day. another is to publish a knitting pattern. i have a fabulous plan for something to submit to the 2012 Jane Austen Knits of Interweave. http://www.knittingdaily.com/blogs/jane_austen_knits/archive/2011/10/13/call-for-entries-jane-austen-knits-2012.aspx
i'm not allowed to blog about the thing, but look for it soon, when i am allowed to. i'm positive my idea will work and be fabulous!

i'm debating about whether to attend boar's head in milwaukee or not. i think i might be able to swing it, i haven't decided yet for sure tho! who else is going? and if i managed to get to minneapolis, is there someone i could ride on from there with perhaps?

anyway.... thanks to all and hugs around!