it's really strange what you hold onto when you're sick. since i was diagnosed i started to hang onto those blood draw results. knowing that my numbers were normal made me feel safe. made me feel like i could continue to function. suddenly, i don't have those numbers every week. i'm having to adapt. to look again at "how am i feeling" as a way to gauge how i feel. stupid right?
it seems silly to say that i need to actually look at how i feel to decide how i feel. of course i should. but i'd quit. and now i have to move back to that. it's weird to think that i stopped. who does that? and now i regularly don't feel safe because i don't "know" how i'm doing. this is going to take some getting used to.
Rita I can't truly understand what you're going through. But I can imagine. Its SO mental. Keeping the proper state of mind. Depending on those numbers to keep you chummed up and then they changed. And now you're depending on something that's even more apt to change - "how you feel." I don't know if you pray much, but I will start praying for you now. Right now. Praying that you will find strength and comfort and peace. Despite the fact that we don't understand why.
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