the day after

one of the hardest things for me to accept about my illness has been the lack of energy that i have day-to-day. i simply do not have enough energy every day to do all that i would like to do. for those who haven't read the "spoon theory" explanation, it actually a bit useful. i'm not in quite the same situation, because while i have a chronic disease, i also have cancer, which makes it all very interesting, but regardless, it may help you understand today.

yesterday was our local SCA group's 12th Night celebration. that means that yesterday i got up early and did stuff all day. i tried to lay down and take a nap at one point, but simply couldn't....i knew there was stuff to be done, and sleeping wasn't going to happen. so i stayed up all day, and by evening, i was feeling a bit woozy and at one point i had the bizarre experience of my vision going wacky. i was just getting ready to herald court (ie: stand up and do some public speaking for those who don't know much about SCA) and suddenly the edges of my field of vision suddenly went white and my balance went away completely. i went over and asked Caradoc to do the heralding for me--and stepped outside to get some fresh air. then i spent court sitting still. unfortunately, i was kind of stubborn, and even tho that happened, during feast (our dinner meal) i jumped up and down a lot and tried to make sure that the meal ran flawlessly. running for water and such coordinating a bit with servers--not that i really did that much, but i didn't sit still. then i had the post revel (a party after the party) at my yarn shop. i ran around for that. organized, tried to make sure everyone was having a good time and that i got to talk to everyone there.

the problem with all this was that i didn't get to bed til after midnight last night. then i was making breakfast for our out of town guests this morning so they didn't have to deal with the sunday breakfast crowd, so i jumped up again at 6:30, and running on adrenalin, i ran to the grocery store and got the rest of breakfast ready. and then at 11 am when our last guests made their way to their van and headed off for Wisconsin--i crashed.

i spent all of my energy from today on yesterday and this morning. i'm a bit worried that i also borrowed tomorrow's energy. maybe several more days. so today, i'm in bed. i'm really hoping that i didn't overdo it so much that i'll end up sick. (please not that), but it does worry me a bit. i'm emotionally shot, and physically done. all this from someone who used to sleep 3-4 hours and get up and do it all again. it's hard for me to remember that this is what it's like now. thank goodness i wasn't actually in charge of this event. makes me a bit worried about our next event that i am in charge of. seriously glad i have good friends....hope they're planning on helping, cuz i'm going to need it!