coming up on a year

so--this time last year i was sick enough that i pretty much didn't work for a month. i stayed in a bed a lot. and felt terrible.

it's hard for me to believe that it's only been a year, and that it isn't a lifetime ago. it feels like forever, and just yesterday all at once.

so what is life like on gleevec? mostly, i'm fine. i feel alright. the three side effects that i suffer from the most are: diarrhea, fatigue and weight gain. almost every meal i eat, i need to stay near a bathroom for about 2 hours because i may end up running for a bathroom. i'm tired almost all the time. during my "drug holiday" i felt super good and had lots of energy, but since going back on, i'm right back where i started a month ago. i feel like i could sleep 20 hours a day. i don't because if i slept that much i'll still be exhausted and i wouldn't have gotten anything done. and i've gained almost 40 pounds in a year.

all that is very frustrating in light of how i felt during my 10 days off my meds. i felt really good and had lots of energy. by the end of the week i could stand up and it wasn't a struggle to do so. today, it's hard to stand up again. my feet and legs and muscles hurt. i feel cruddy.

it's hard to live with. but it's impossible to live without.